Tashan: A masterpiece of modern Indian Cinema

I m ishpeaking english fully, sahi galat ko maro goli, I m vearing a suit tan-a-tan, underwear iz phir bi Indian – I m villian of old tradision, this my dear phellow IZ MY TASHAN – Bhaiyaji (Anil Kapoor) in Tashan

Faarsht impresshion IZ da laasht impresshion – Bhaiyaji (Anil Kapoor) in Tashan

Tashan was an eye opener for me.Tashan was a movie which made me think.I am never worried or ever judge a movie in terms of the financial profit it squeezes out in the box office from the poor Indian man’s pocket.I consider a film a to be a success only when it makes me think.Now over the past month I have come across a good number of thought provoking movies.I have seen the bollywood adaptation of  Stephen King’s Cats eye in No Smoking-in a sense it has been much better if you ask me.The movie makes you think in so many ways thats its really intersting.I loved the movie.I also saw Pan’s Labyrinth-a masterpiece in its own sense.Ignoring the blood and gore and the toture which reminded me of Hostel,the concept and the flow puts a lot of things in perspective.I have seen I am legend.Considering the alternate ending in the unrated edition , it successfully drew a lot of parallelism.I saw some more and if I start describing them then this post will be more about my provoked thoughts than Hairy Kapoors Moobs ( Man Boobs = Moobs ) and the dancing godess of unhealthy anorexia-Kareena.So does Tashan measure up to the list given above? read on to know that.

Okay so since you decided to click on the link and read the rest.Let me tell you,I lied.I bloody goddamn lied when I started comparing Tashan to all those great works of art.Tashan is a waste.Tashan is an aged piece of navel lint that accumulates when you masturbate on granny porn and do not bath for a month.Tashan is a movie made in Mumbai about dehati mafia in UP.Tashan is a living testament of teenage puppy love(thankfully no beastality involved).Tashan is about some call center jock who is confused about what his role is in this entire movie.Tashan is about so many such things that never ever make it into a great movie.Ram gopal verma is unfortunate.If he had released his Aag after tashan then may be it wouldn’t have been branded the worst movie of all time and he’d have saved his ass being banged royally by the press and the critics.I think a pre-production version of this movie was really responsible for the recent anti north indian seniment in Mumbai.This is not a work of art.This is a work of f-art !

Now Yash Chopra might come back saying that he has glorified the Indian Rickshaw puller in this movie.Which is true.So this movie is about the common man.This movie is about the regular bread earner puller who in the scorching summer sun take out his Rickshaw and earn enough after a hard day to pay for Tashan’s ticket in PVR.So after the usual boy meets girl and then a sudden twist in the story we have the eternal thumb-filliac Akshay Kumar logging in as Ravan on a scooter and taking up the role of Bacchan Pandey later.And right by that time it was becoming increasingly clear that I have to change my perspective and expectations from the film.So in my eternal quest to give a fair and critical judgement,I reset my expectation from a RACE like racy movie to a village edition of threesome but alas I was dsiappointed soon after as well.The no-nonsense prospect of threesome transformed into an all nonsense catastrophe of flying Rickshaws and Jiglling Man-boobs generously visible through an indian version of a full body male edition fishnet.So after a lot of human bodies fell,Kareena put an end to my sensory misery by copying the role of Uma Thurman in Kill Bill and pasting it in a scene of pithing and killing Anil Kapoor on his Rickshaw thereby giving birth to the notority called Kill Anil.I am sure this is what Yash Chopra is going to make next with Kareena reprising her role as the anorexic grasshopper.

Beyond the disaster dished out as the final release I really appreciated the way Akshay Kumar pulled his act together and that is the only take home from the entire debacle.Akshay is maturing by the day,no wonder he is one of the highest grossing actors these days.Saif totally disappointed me.A 40 year old call centre jock ? Give it a break.To add to it I didn’t find the serpentile CEO Ranvir from Race or ever terrifying Langda Tyagi from Omkara.The entire maturity he had gained over all these years has been nullified with this single film.Compare this film to any of his starter films and you’d know why.Kareena,from the beauty to the anorexic chiselled nightmare trying in vain to be the deshi edition of Kill-Bill minus the the glamour of Uma Thurman,hollywood class effects and of course the gore of Quentin Tarantino.I lost all my hopes,Akshay lost his good work,Yash Raj banner lost crores of rupees but Saif is the only one who gained something from this movie-Kareena Kapoor.