Top 5 actors fit to be a Batman in Bollywood

This article at cracked got me really thinking.What happened if a batman movie would have been made in Bollywood.Who would have been the eligible casts for the role ? What could’ve been their trademark ?? Lets find out.

1.Amitabh Bacchan

No doubt even at about 70 years of age he would have been the first choice of many producers.He would have also been the first batman with a really good fucking white beard.And evidently the role for penguin would have gone for Amzad Khan if he were alive today.The movie must have had at least one song sung by the screen legend himself in his trademark coarse out of tune voice.The movie would have made him the ‘Angry young Bat’.

One line for the best fit for Robin-Dharmendra

Now the important part,about big bat’s ladies.Theres the one and only abominable Rekha.The sheer exercise of putting her in a catsuit at this age would have been a subject of a documentary on BBC.

Almost undoubtedly the batmobile would have been an old enfield with a side career for Robin.

2.Abhishek Bacchan

Well the bearded winner of I-look-like-my-father-and-walk-and-talk-like-my-father contest Abhishek Bacchan is the immediate choice for the producers who with high hopes of recruiting the senior B got rejected for puny reasons like not including Rekha or offering him a modified Ferrari as the bat mobile instead of the special kind of Royal Enfield.AB is the poor mans big B.The movie would be so goddamn boring that he will surely have to take a break for about a year just get himself considered for any role..Adding to the insult is the fact that he might get Hritik Roshan taking up the role of ‘Riddler‘.After all that saves a lot of investment on costumes.Hritik only has to throw in a splash of green with question mark polka dots on his ‘Krrish’ suit.And guess what for the first time the villain would have had a side kick-Jadoo

One line for the best fit for Robin-Hitesh Deshmukh or Uday Chopra

Now the important part,about bat’s ladies.The movie would at least have three.It would start with Karishma Kapoor being mortally involved with the unshaven bat wannabe followed by a scuffle at ‘Jalsa’ regarding consideration of Rani Mukherjee to just be there and finally the role of the Catwoman would have gone to the living pale godess of plastic anorexia and former ex-aged granny Miss World Aishwarya Rai.

This guy with his corporate brand deal with Motorola would rock in the gadgets department unlike his father.He would have a modified Bentley gifted by his father for his ’stint’ with a former beauty queen.He would have brandished a branded mobile fone from Motorola dancing uncontrollably to the tunes of a southern hit(watch video for details).

3.Aamir Khan

The master of off the track films.The pioneer of thought provoking cinema in India is an automatic choice for this role.Who says he can’t don an action role ? Remember Sarfarosh ? The movie will most definitely have a child character portraying Robin with dyslexia.The movie will also have Naseeruddin Shah taking up the role of Two Face.The entire movie will spin around the fact that how Retarded Robin learns to win over the challenges thrown at him by his school teacher,father and of course Naseeruddin Shah.

One line for the best fit for Robin-Darsheel Safary

Back to the important part Bats Ladies.May be this is the only bat up here who seriously considers crime fighting than trying to go around with some ladies.

On the gadgets department we could have seen this guy with a Samsung Cell Phone forcefully asking innocent bystanders-’Next is What ?’

4.Saif Ali Khan

The master  of comeback.The squirrel in Arnold Schwarzeneggar shell no doubt is a worthy wannabe Bat.He walks like a bat,he talks like a bat…he looks like a frigging bat ! The movie would take place in some remote desolated paradise in South Africa.It would all be about who inherits the vast fortune of the Wayne industries and Kareena Kapoor while killing Chinkaras like Pacman in heat.The movie will have Shahid Kapoor take up the role of Joker.The movie will be about the real story of joker.How after getting tighter and tighter bitch slaps from Kareena Kapoor his face was horribly disfigured and how he figured out that the Bat Ali Khan was behind all that.The rest of the movie will be about various realizations and some racy tracks.

One line for the best fit for Robin-Anil Kapoor,the fruit molester

Ladies time again.Kareena Kapoor(period).

This guy also rocks in the gadget department.Uses communicators,wears rolex and drives the fast and the furious.This bat even rides a fucking horse!

5.Shahrukh Khan

The reigning King of Bollywood.The chocolate face who refuses to wither.The enterpreneur of the year.This bat wannabe has all it takes.Most predictably in the movie his name would be Rahul Waynes.The movie will get rave reviews even before it is released and will get sold even before pre-production begins.It will be a huge hit internationally and would have Amrish Puri take up the role of Mr Freeze.Most of the movie will be shot in scenic outdoor locations and released worldwide as Bazigar 2 from Red Chill Entertainment.

One line for the best fit for Robin-Bat Khan himself -doing double role

Ladies-you name it.

Nokia will take care of the gadgets department while Dilip Chabria will take care of the BatMobile.He will wear a Tag Heur and play Xbox all day long.

UPDATE: IRW at Random Musings suggested a possible homo erotic reference when he commented on the role of Cat Woman.Yes, if swinging the other way is the in thing then Karan surely can try fitting in the role and of course the costume of the Catwoman.Extremely sorry for missing this obvious detail since I have a rabid and infectious hetero sexual mindset.

Honorable mention:

Vivek Oberoi-Aiswarya Rai as poison ivy
Salman Khan-Aishwarya Rai as poison ivy and Katherina Kaif as Catwoman
Akshay Kumar-Not fit for being a bat